Going Back

I haven't really made it any secret that I am not ready to go back to work. On Monday, I am returning to my 8th graders after being gone since Thanksgiving. It will be tough.

From a work standpoint, I left unexpectedly. I didn't prepare my kids and I was definetly not prepared. Luckily I had a long term sub already arranged, so she picked right up and took care of things, but still, I wasn't prepared. So I am not sure what I will be walking back in to. My kids take their state reading test in a few weeks and I have not been there to get them ready. So that should be interesting.

From a logistical standpoint, I am already nervous about getting two babies and myself, out of the door by 6:40 every morning. I know it can be done, I just have to find a routine that works for us. Let me say that up until now, my track record for packing them both up and getting where we need to be on time....well, it's less than stellar. I just need more practice. Unfortunately, I am out of time to practice. And let's not even get into the fact that Matthew still likes to party around 1:45, 4:45 and 5:30 am.

From a Mommy standpoint, I am not ready. I honestly feel as though I haven't had enough time with this sweet little boy. We have such a wonderful routine right now. He is doing so well. He naps like a champ, eats like a champ, plays like a champ. He loves going for walks outside, walking around the mall, laying on the floor and playing, watching me work in the kitchen. He loves to watch Jonathan when he is playing close by....things are just so...good. I am not ready to give these days up. I am 100% not ready to send him to a babysitter I hardly know. I could go on and on, but it makes my heart hurt.

And then there is this:

Monday morning we woke up and I loaded the boys into the car to take Jonathan to school. I noticed there was quite a bit of running water coming from behind our back gate, so I went to investigate. This led me to a pipe gushing water out of our house. A frantic phone call to my Dad led me to the attic to check the water heater. Bingo. That puppy bit the dust (after 20 years though...let's give it some credit for a job well done) and flooded our guest room, hallway and Jonathan's closet. Please don't ask how I didn't notice any of this in the middle of the night while I was up walking around with Matthew. Or in the morning. So...the water restoration guys have taken away the wet carpet, ripped holes in the ceiling to take out the wet insulation, and removed all the wet base boards and door casings. Right now everything is drying out. Once that is done, they will have to come in and rebuild the walls and ceiling in the guest room and install new carpet and base boards. These pictures honestly don't do the chaos justice. We have 10 fans, a de-humidifier and an "air scrubber" hanging out in our rooms and hallways right now. There are dark brown stains on my walls and ceililng (that apparently were not wet enough to cut open...interesting)....it is all just a big, gross, mess. I am telling this story only because it is one more reason I don't want to go back to work next week. I feel like I need to be here to make sure things are being done to my satisfaction!

So that is that. I am sure you will say I am just being over-dramatic. Millions of mothers out there have to send their babies to day care. Millions of mothers work. I get that. And in a few weeks, I am sure it will get easier. But for now, with my return looming like a grey cloud, it is not easy. And like I said above, it makes my heart hurt. Would you want to leave this little guy all day long? How am I supposed to kiss those puffy little cheeks while I am at school!? Sigh.....

My "baby" is about to turn 2!

Tomorrow my baby boy turns two. I know it is cliche, but I seriously do NOT believe this. It seems like yesterday I was living the story I am about to write out. I am not sure how many people are going to be interested in reading this, since it is no where near current. However, I didn't have a blog with Jonathan and therefore did not have a reminder of what things were like the days leading up to his birth or documentation of his birthday. I kept a journal throughout my pregnancy, but I wanted to make sure I sat down and wrote his birth story, just like I did for Matthew. So here it is :)

Just like with Matthew, I had contractions for months leading up to Jonathan's birth. I was on medication that kept them under control (much more successfully than Matthew) but I still constantly felt them. So when I started feeling some a little stronger than normal on Sunday, February 21st, I didn't think much of it. I tossed and turned all night, but didn't really worry. I woke up that Monday and decided to start timing them just to see what was up and they were somewhat regular and every 10 minutes or so. I figured this was still not too alarming, so I headed to work. I remember thinking as I was driving "I probably shouldn't be going into work today, but I REALLY don't want to waste a sick day if this doesn't turn into something..." I even emailed Zack that morning and told him what was up. His response was "Man, I hope he doesn't come until Thursday...I really need to finish up this project at work!" I told him I would do my best..... (Interestingly enough, he said the exact same thing the morning I went into labor with Matthew...)

The entire day, I struggled. I was super tired and the contractions were getting closer. I monitored them on my computer at my desk and stayed off my feet as much as possible. I was determined to make it through the day. By the time I left work that afternoon, they were coming pretty regularly around 6-7 minutes apart. Still, in my stupidity, I didn't think it was an issue. I didn't call the doctor and I didn't tell Zack to come home early or anything. I headed to bed around 9:30, but never actually went to sleep. Around 11:30, I came out of our room and told Zack I thought this was it. At that point, they were about 4-5 minutes apart. At midnight, we headed to the hospital! It was kind of fun getting there in the middle of the night because we had to buzz the security guard at the parking garage to let us in and Zack just yelled "My wife is having a baby!!" It was funny :) That and the traffic on I-10 is a whole lot better at midnight than any other time of the day!

By the time I got checked in and the nurses checked on me, I was 5-6 cm dilated and 100% effaced! When they confirmed that I would, in fact be there until I had the baby, I called my parents (in the middle of the night) and told them to high tail it to Houston! Around 3:00am, I wanted the epidural but we had to wait for my blood work to come back so we could double check that my platelets were high enough (I have thrombocytopenia or low blood platelets which can cause issues) This took FOREVER! But once I got the epidural, life was much better. I could actually talk to people, take pictures, watch TV and relax. But then things started to get frustrating...After already being in labor for like 24 hours, being almost 6 cm and having nice, strong, regular contractions...everything just stopped. My contractions continued, but stopped making any kind of difference. I stopped progressing almost completely. Around 9:00, Dr. Storey broke my water and started a little pitocin to get things going again. Thankfully, this worked and I didn't have to stay on the medication for very long at all. Finally around 11:00, I had progressed enough to try pushing. Which I did for the next two hours. Around 12:00, Jonathan turned sunny-side up and basically refused to come down or basically do anything helpful. So we tried the vacuum to help him move down, I moved positions to try and get him to turn a little more, we waited it out, pushed more....nothing helped. Ultimately, he started to get pissed off and let us know it. The decision was made around 1:00 to have a c-section for both his safety and mine. I was pretty upset. I had made it so far, only to end up in surgery. (This picture was taken right after the epidural...not after pushing for 2 hours...)

Once we made the decision, things moved very quickly as it was important to get him out quickly and safely. After being in labor for almost 28 hours at this point and pushing for two, I was exhausted. I basically slept through the delivery. I honestly don't remember anything. I was in recovery for almost 3 hours before being moved to a room and only then did I get to see my little boy. He was perfect.

After 4 days in the hospital, we were able to come home and start our new life as a family of 3. Looking back at the whole experience, it makes me so thankful for my less exciting and more calm delivery with Matthew. Obviously I never wanted to go with a c-section with either baby, but at the end of the day, I have two healthy, beautiful little boys and that is all that matters! Happy early birthday my sweet Jonathan Zachary :)

Our Love Story!

I have seen lots of cute "love stories" on the blogs lately and I thought I would join the fun! So, like normal, I am copying from other people...

1. How long have you and your significant other been together? We started dating in January of 2002, so 10 years. WOW. That seems like so long when I type it out.

2. How did you meet? {What's your "love" story?} I always say our meeting was 100% meant to be. One week during my freshman year in college, my high school boyfriend called and dumped me. Like a really mean, never talk to me again, kind of dumping. So I was too depressed to leave the house and therefore couldn't try out a new Bible study on campus that evening. Luckily, my roommate was cool enough to wait and go with me the next week. So that next Thursday, we both went to Upstream for the first time and got placed in a small group with all the other "newbies" that week. Zack was in that group as it was his first week as well. If I had gone the week before as planned (and my idiot boyfriend hadn't dumped me) I would have been placed in another group and I would never have met Zack! On a side note....my roommate actually dated Zack first :) After they broke up, I swooped in and stole him :)

3. If married, how long have you been married? 5 years!

4. If you are married, where did you get married at? Big or small wedding? We got married in Austin at my childhood church, Westlake Hills Presbyterian Church. The reception was at a beautiful outdoor venue overlooking the hill country. It was relatively large with about 150 people and absolutely wonderful!

5. Do you have any nick-names that you call one another? Ha ha, a few, but they are all pretty stupid and embarrassing. Nothing too racy though!

6. Name 3 things you love most about your honey. Zack is incredibly loyal, determined and faithful. If he feels the Lord is leading him to do something, he does it, even if it is not comfortable or the "popular" thing to do. If work asks him to do something, he does it, regardless of the hours it might require. And most importantly, I never, ever question his love for me or his children.

7. Tell us how he proposed? Ha ha, I always give him a hard time for this. By the time he proposed, we had gone together to buy a ring, talked about the wedding...basically we both already knew the proposal was coming. He knew he couldn't do anything fun or fancy because I would immediately know what was going on, so one Friday night, he told me he was working (at Subway!) so I worked out and then went home to eat dinner and watch TV for the rest of the night. I was in the middle of an episode of House, in my sweaty work out clothes (not sure why I hadn't showered or changed...), when he showed up. He had a dozen red roses and dropped to his knee right there on my front porch. I just kept saying "you are supposed to be at work...why are you here? What are you doing!?" Finally he got the question out and of course I said yes :) Then somehow, we ended up at Northgate with a bunch of his friends to "celebrate." Uh...I don't drink and none of my friends were there, but whatever....

8. Is he a flowers and teddy bear kind of guy for v-day, or strawberries, champagne, and rose petals? Hmm...he is pretty much a "Valentine's Day is a Hallmark holiday, but I don't want to get yelled at, so here are some flowers and a card." I will hand it to him that he always gives me my favorite flowers, daisies!

9. Are you a sunset dinner on the beach kind of girl, or pop a movie in and relax on the couch? Most of the time, a pop in a movie and stay home kind of girl...but I could be easily persuaded to enjoy a sunset dinner on the beach!

10. Tell us one thing you'd like to do with your significant one day. If you could do anything? Go anywhere?

I would love to go to some exotic beach, like Fiji or something. You know, sleep a lot, eat a lot, relax a lot....oh man, that sounds so nice.

11. Tell us what you plan on doing on this Valentine's Day. Probably nothing. You don't do much when you have a 6 week old and a 2 year old and your husband is in the middle of busy season.

12. Are you asking for anything this Valentine's day? Nope. We are trying to save all the money we can to allow me to stay home with the boys!! Well that and we have medical bills coming out our ears. So we will probably get each other a card and a small treat (most likely food...)

13. Give us one piece of advice of keeping a relationship strong and full of love. Zack is very firm on the "do not let the sun go down on your anger" rule. We always talk/fight things out before heading to bed. I think it makes a pretty big difference.

14. Show us a picture of what love means to you.

Help!

We need sleep advice.

Matthew is on a good schedule during the day: eat, play, sleep. He repeats this every 3 hours without fail. Most of the time he wakes up on his own like clock work, but I try to rouse him if he hasn't woken up yet after about 3 hours and 15 minutes. He very rarely acts hungry before then. At night, he wakes up on his own every 3-4 hours. I feed him in a quiet, dimly lit room, I don't talk to him (much...) and I change his diaper before nursing and then swaddle him back up (oh and we have tried different swaddles too...in case he likes one over the other.) He has a noise maker and sleeps on an incline to help his belly. While I nurse, he falls asleep. As soon as he is done and I have to burp him, he wakes back up. And then he is up....for a long, long time. He isn't crying, isn't upset, doesn't seem to be in pain (if he is, we try Mylicon or acid reflux medicine) he just wants to be awake. How do I fix this?! I know he is only 3 weeks old and all that jazz, but it just seems like there has to be a better way.

So come on friends....I know there is somebody out there with some good advice. I know this because in the last year, like 10 of my friends have had babies that slept through the night at some crazy age. Like 1 day old or something. And please note that I am not asking him to sleep through the night, I know that is a pipe dream, but I would like him to go back to sleep within a reasonable time period so that we could all get a little sleep around here. Oh man, that would be so nice.

On a completely unrelated note....Poor Jonathan has a double ear infection :( This is not a good thing, but at least it can explain his CRAZY behavior the last few days. Last night for example, he threw all his toys out of the bathtub (with water in them), all his peas off his high chair tray, a spoon full of yogurt at me, cried when I wouldn't let him watch Barney and Chuggington at the exact same time, and then he cried at bedtime because I wouldn't let him sleep with Barney. Uh...we don't own a Barney stuffed animal, doll, book, anything....so I couldn't really help him there. Finally he fell asleep with the help of our good friend, Ammoxicilan, and has been asleep all night!

So that's been fun. I will say that I am pretty proud of myself for making it to Friday of my first week with the boys alone. Zack hasn't been home before 7:30 all week, so it's just me and my boys. And I did it. Oh and a HUGE thanks to all my friends who have brought us awesome home cooked meals the past two weeks!! They have been delicious and, very seriously, a life saver!! Thanks!!

Mom Confessions

(Edited to add: So my Mom read this and called me out, saying I had a chip on my shoulder. Let me clarify....I do not have a chip on my shoulder :) I just felt like confessing some things that I do that are either weird, probably not the best idea in the world, or just pure laziness. I am in no way "calling anybody out" specifically. If you do some of the things I don't, great! Good work taking the time to do it! I just don't....nothing wrong with either one of us :) Love you all!)

Last night was a rough one. While I was cursing the fact that Matthew had finally fallen asleep (after an hour of him staring at me around 3:00 am) and then promptly got the hiccups and woke up for another 30 minutes, I was thinking through this post. After reading blog after blog of what appear to be "perfect Moms" I decided to write a post dedicated to the rest of us, the non-perfect moms. At the end of the day, none of us are perfect. No mom has it all together (even though her blogs, Facebook posts and emails make it seem otherwise...) and the bottom line is that we love our babies and desire nothing more than their safety and happiness. How we achieve that....well that is where we are different. So here are my mom confessions for today.

1. I don't cloth diaper. There was a time when I thought I might, I even did a bunch of research on it. But at the end of the day, my little boys are just as happy in their Pampers and I am happy to not have to wash anything extra. I already do enough laundry.

2. Now that Jonathan is older, he doesn't eat all organic food. In fact, one of his favorites is chicken nuggets. Like, the frozen kind. And he dips them in ketchup (GASP!)

3. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, Matthew will spit up on his swaddle blanket and if it doesn't seem to bother him, I leave him be. If the kid is sleepy and willing to go to sleep, I refuse to do anything to mess that up....and taking a baby out of a warm, cozy swaddle and changing his clothes/blanket would definietly mess that up.

4. With a newborn, there is a big difference between gas toots and blow out your diaper toots. If it sounds like gas, I leave it alone. Especially in the middle of the night. See #3 for the reason why. This would be something I recommend all new Mom's figure out pretty early.

5. Sometimes, I cringe a little when I hear one of the boys wake up. I love them dearly, but at 3:00 am, I don't really want to hang out. This probably makes me sound like a terrible person....just keeping it real.

6. I am one of the rare people in life who loves the hospital. I honestly love having babies because it means 4 days in the hospital (well that is just one of the reasons...) I mean, think about it. You have tons of people waiting on you hand and foot, all your meals delivered to your bed while you watch TV, your newborn can stay long enough to cuddle and bond but then you can let them go back to the nursery and everybody can sleep...who in their right mind wouldn't love it?? And yes, I know some people hate the hospital because they are bothered by the nurses. I can see this. But in my opinion, that is just a small price to pay.

7. Everybody knows I love my doctor, Dr. Storey. But I also really love our pediatrician, Dr. Torn. My friend and I like to joke that we should ask Dr. Torn to be our best friend and we could all hang out. I am pretty sure she would agree if we actually asked. She is seriously awesome and I look forward to my appointments with her. Gosh, that sounds so lame.

8. Jonathan has been watching a lot more TV lately. Sorry. I only have 2 hands and so much energy and to be honest, I feel like those are better served keeping babies fed, safe and entertained. Maybe I will do more art projects and craft activities later on, but for now, Chuggington and Barney (blah!) will have to suffice.

9. This is a big one and will probably garner the same response as my lack of cloth diapers....I don't like breastfeeding. I do it because it is good for my babies and WAY cheaper than formula, but I don't really like it. Sure I enjoy the quiet time with them and the idea that I am single handedly meeting their most basic need, but I don't like the fact that I am stuck in an awkward position (the doorbell always seems to ring when I start nursing) or that I have to cover up or go in the other room when visitors come by. There are a few other reasons, but I will spare you the details.

10. Finally, just because I don't write status updates or blog posts everyday about how much I love my children and my husband, doesn't mean I don't love them. Of course I know I am blessed, of course I love them with all of my heart, of course I would walk through fire for them. But sometimes, you just need to vent and complain and be honest. Being a parent is hard. Being a wife is hard. Being both with little to no sleep....that's really hard.

Holy Cow

I. Am. Tired.

Yes, I am aware that it doesn't last forever. I know that he will eventually sleep through the night. I already know it gets easier. But none of that helps me after getting 2 hours of disjointed sleep the last few nights. Matthew isn't too big on sleeping alone. He doesn't really see the need to sleep in his room when he could sleep with Mommy or Daddy or Honey, who are nice and warm and cozy. He also doesn't seem to have a digestive track that wants to keep food IN, but instead wants to share it with the entire world. So even if the poor kid does fall asleep on his own, there is about a 90% chance he will throw up and choke or get his jammies and swaddle all wet and gross. And at that point, there is not a chance in the world he will just ignore it and go back to sleep. So if anybody has any advice on how to get him to sleep (soundly) in his room, alone....please share. Unless it is "swaddle, noise maker, incline, The Happiest Baby on the Block, Babywise, co-sleep or car seat".....we have already tried (or are still trying) all of them. But thanks :)

And, sensing the fun that could be had at midnight, Jonathan has decided to join in. Last night he woke up 4 times before midnight. He has a bad cough, so we keep going in to check on him and make sure he hasn't choked or developed a fever. Each time he just stares at me, crying out "Mama sit down!" I think this might be his new way of getting Mommy time. So that's fun.

Other than that, things are going great! Matthew really is a sweet, happy baby. He has already put himself on a pretty good schedule: eat, play, sleep, repeat...every 3 hours. Of course there tends to be more sleeping than playing right now, but that will come later :) Jonathan seems to be pretty cool with having his little brother around. When he comes home from school, he walks in and quickly asks where the baby is. He hasn't quite mastered Matthew's name yet...it comes out a little like "Ma-Mu." It's actually pretty cute. My Mom left yesterday and after a few crying sessions and some insistence to Zack that I absolutely can NOT do this without her, I feel better and more confident. Today is our first day totally on our own....ask me again on Friday how confident I feel :)

The other good news is that I haven't fallen victim to the "baby blues" this time around (at least not yet!) I struggled with this with Jonathan and it kept me from enjoying those first few precious weeks with him. This time around I feel much better and have truly enjoyed my little guy. I think so much of this has to do with my delivery and recovery. Things have been so much better that it allows me the ability to relax and enjoy. Hopefully it continues. Every time I get overwhelmed, I pray for three things: peace, confidence and strength. As long as I have those, I know I am good to go!!

Matthew David Ley!

I know I am a little late posting this, but even so, I wanted to make sure it was documented :) So here you go, the story of Matthew's arrival!

It all started on Wednesday morning when I went to see Dr. Storey. She took me off the medication and bedrest and told me to take it easy for the next week. She used the word "tentatively" when we scheduled my visit for the next week. I was actually pretty mad that there hadn't been much progress and that we had to schedule another visit at all! I left the doctor and went to run my first errand in over 6 1/2 weeks....the grocery store! I spent over an hour walking around HEB buying things I had been thinking about while stuck at home. You know, important things, like my favorite ice cream, yogurt, Sprite and cereal....crazy things. I wasn't in the store 20 minutes when I started noticing contractions that were stronger than the normal ones. Since I was on my feet for the first time in weeks, I ignored them and blamed it on being out and about. The rest of the day was spent in much the same way.....more contractions, but I blew them off. I was NOT going to miss my day of freedom. I even got my eyebrows done!

I wasn't able to fall asleep that night because I was pretty uncomfortable, so I moved to the couch to read and watch TV. As soon as Zack saw our bedroom door open around 11:30, he nearly jumped out of his chair and asked "Is it baby time!?" Yep, this man knows the drill. I told him I thought it was okay and that he should head to bed. So off he went and I laid around timing contractions for the next few hours. At this point, they were every 6 minutes and getting more painful, but I continued to ignore them for a few reasons. #1, I didn't want to have to call the Ley's and wake up the whole family to come over and watch Jonathan in case it was a false alarm. #2, Zack had not even gone to bed yet and I knew that would mean over 24 hours of no sleep for him. and #3, I was seriously determined to have Dr. Storey perform my delivery and I knew she wasn't on call until the next day. So I waited. I even posted on Babycenter.com that I thought I could be in labor, but wasn't positive. The consensus among my "friends" was to wait it out a few more hours and then call. Those girls are smart :)

By the next morning, I pretty much knew what the deal was, so I took Jonathan to school (and gave him a super big hug!), took a really good shower, called the nurse and ate some breakfast. By 10:30, there was no denying that my contractions were 3-4 minutes apart and VERY painful. I knew we needed to go in. After waiting for way too long to hear back from the nurse, we made the executive decision to head to the hospital and I am so glad we did.

We got there around noon and by the time I was checked, I was 6 cm. The next hour was a blur. She told me to call our families because we would be having the baby within the hour. Turns out waiting that long to go in to the hospital when you are having a repeat c-section is a no-no. My doctor, who I love even more now, rushed up to the hospital on her day off (and in her work out gear :)) and was there to do the delivery. Unfortunately, my parents didn't make it in time from Austin but Zack's Mom was able to get there! I was so surprised how fast everything happened. I thought I would have some time to get settled, get used to the idea of having a baby that day, calmly pray over the situation with Zack...nope. It was fast and furious from the minute we walked in. This picture is of us waiting to go back for the c-section. Don't let the smile fool you...those contractions HURT.

They wheeled me back and got me ready for surgery while Zack waited outside. After the emergency trauma from Jonathan's birth and c-section, I didn't know what to expect, but I was so pleasantly surprised. I was totally coherent while we got ready, was able to talk with my doctor, we made jokes etc...Zack finally joined us and after about 5 minutes, Matthew David joined our family. The first words out of Dr. Storey's mouth were "Man! He is a chunky baby!" He weighed 8.2 pounds, almost a full pound more than Jonathan. I would say that is pretty good for being born nearly 3 weeks early! Immediately after birth, his blood sugar levels were a little low, so instead of letting me nurse him first (we would have had to wait since I was in recovery,) he had to take a bottle....a little "snack" we joked :) That did the trick and his levels evened out pretty quick. I laugh that he must truly be our son since the very first thing he wanted to do was eat! :)

Recovery has been good. Easier than with Jonathan, but still painful. Matthew is doing great nursing, pooping and peeing (you know, the most important 3 things you have to watch for with a newborn!) and Jonathan seems to be pretty cool with things so far. Thank you so much to those of you who came by the hospital just to say hi or have come by the house since then to meet little Matthew :) It has been a crazy few days, but we wouldn't trade them for the world!