Confessions

Next in the blog series, "I've already written a post just like this, but it was so long ago that it is no longer applicable," I bring you confessions of an imperfect mom....

1. It came to my attention today (by way of my very opinionated son) that I have "scary eyes" when I am angry. Obviously I know this, I use my "scary eyes" on purpose and with perfect skill...but I was a little curious what that face actually looked like. So at nap time, I went into my bathroom and made "scary eyes" at myself in the bathroom mirror. And let me tell you....that is a very unattractive look. I really need to stop making that face.

2.  So the other night, Zack and I were trying to be cool and use all the "lingo" kids these days are using. Like, "Bye, Felicia!" and "Bae." Later in the evening, Zack announced that something was "on fleek." and I started laughing hysterically and said "You dummy, it's pronounced, 'on fleck!'" I mean, I was laughing SO hard at him. He knew he was right, so instead of arguing, he just went to google, typed it in and turned the volume up on the pronunciation. Obviously I was very, very wrong. And I felt very, very stupid. And very old.

3. I caught myself using my Dustbuster on the kitchen counter today. And then I realized that I had used it on the floor, kitchen table, and interior of the car. First of all, that's super gross. Second of all, I now need to bleach everything in my house. But you know what, that bad boy sure works like a charm and I'll probably do it again. 

4. Sour cream and onion Baked Lays are a hot commodity in this house. The other day, I was helping myself to half the bag a small portion when Matthew walked up and yelled, "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS EAT ALL THE CHIPS!!??" I just looked at him and told him to mind his own business.. 

5. I got so upset at Jonathan the other day that I made him take his plate and eat dinner alone in his room. His only response was, "You mean I get to eat dinner in bed? That's great!" At first I thought I should feel like a failure as a parent, but then I realized that we both got to take a break from each other, I got to eat my dinner in peace, and he got to eat dinner in bed. So really.....it counts as a mom win. 

6. I have a serious addiction to soda. Like, I really am addicted. And you know what, I don't care. There is just not one single part of me that wants to change that habit. I love Coke Zero and Diet Dr. Pepper....just in case anybody wanted to, you know, bring me one.

7. Just asking this for a friend of mine....how many times a week can you get by with wiping up small spots on the floor with a sponge instead of just mopping the whole thing? I like to say this number is 1,569.

8. Recently, our neighbor convinced Zack that he needed to put one of those super sticky snake/mouse traps at the corner of our garage. "Just wait till you see all the small snakes that come in and out of your garage, man! It's awesome!" Obviously this is the worst idea I have ever heard of in my entire life. I have never once seen a snake in our garage ("That's because they escape again before you see them! You have to catch them to see them!") so I don't understand the need for the trap, but Zack found it interesting. So now, there is an entire corner of our garage where I am no longer welcome. I refuse to go see what is stuck to that gross trap. Joke's on Zack, because that is where some of our yard equipment is. Which means, he has to either do the yard himself or drag it all out for me ;) 

9. I recently read all the Harry Potter books for the first time and they were, AMAZING. Duh. But when I took the books with me to the gym, I was embarrassed and more than once, covered the book with a different book jacket. Obviously, I have a reputation to maintain. 

10. Lately, Matthew's eating struggles have gotten so bad and so frustrating that I have started giving him turkey pepperonis and crackers as the main component to his meal. Pepperonis are gross and made of gross things, but so are hot dogs and chicken nuggets and I know y'all all give your kids that stuff, so don't judge.