Gross. Super gross.

We were at the park. Beautiful day, happy boys, yummy picnic lunch....life was good. And then Jonathan decided he needed to go to the bathroom. There wasn't anything super close, so I suggested he go behind a tree. I know this is controversial, but I feel as though it is a perk of having a boy. So he pees. But instead of pulling his pants up, he tells me he is still going.....with a look of total confusion on his face. And holy crap, he pooped. In the park. In public. Without toilet paper. The whole time I am screaming "NO!!!!! STOP! STOP!" He didn't stop. Instead, he did his business and looked at me like "Uh, clean this up so I can go play please."  So I cleaned him up (thank God for a diaper bag full of baby wipes) and used a ziplock (thank God for my picnic lunch) and totally doggie pooped our pile of shame. Jonathan didn't care at all about what happened. We had a little teaching moment and he went on his way.

 

Today, we had a play date at the mall. While we were eating at the food court, my little germ pod decided it would be fun to lay on the floor....of the food court. The same floor covered in old chicken nuggets and 10 year old, caked on ketchup. I told him to get up because that was super nasty and not a good place to play. And lo and behold, he did! Then he moved about 2 feet to the left and laid back down.

 

Later during our play date, we were at the play area (the same play area where Jonathan marked his territory about 5 months ago) and I picked Matthew up to let him "go down the slide." On our way over, he started barfing but I didn't realize it. About 4 feet later, a poor, totally traumatized mom was like "YOUR KID IS BARFING!!" I looked down, and sure enough, we had left a trail of spit up. Like, a big trail. This was no little spit up. This was like a "Mom, you shouldn't have fed me all that squash and then stuffed me full of crackers because you wanted to keep talking to your friend" kind of spit up. I cleaned it up, the best I could, and we went on our merry way. Note to all Katyites.....don't put your kids on the floor at the Katy Mills play area....

 

The other day, I was sweeping the 10 acres of tile we have in our house, and I forgot to clean up one of my piles. Before I found it, Matthew found it. And helped himself to 2 rebel Goldfish. Goldfish that were covered in dust, dirt, fuzz and probably a whole lot more that I don't want to think about. Jonathan is bad about doing this too if he spies a Cheerio. I could blame them, but I feel like this one is my fault for A) not sweeping up the pile and B) not sweeping often enough that it allows for that kind of nasty accumulation.

 

And you know what is funny about all this? They have a runny nose, but that is it. No crazy disease from eating off the floor, no contagious rash from rolling around in old chicken nuggets, no trauma from pooping at the park or barfing in the play area. So now, instead of freaking out when one of them eats dirt, I will just laugh and think "well, they didn't get sick from eating dirty Goldfish or playing on a nasty floor.....who cares about a little dirt?"

 

Being a mom is gross.