Confessions

Don't ask me why I feel the need to confess these things to the blogosphere. I just do. (Is it lame that I just used the term 'blogosphere'?)

During my conference period, I turn on my favorite song of the moment and listen to it on repeat. All. Period. Long. And most of the time I sing along pretty loud. Right now the song I am loving is Taylor Swift- Ours. I actually get pissed when the bell rings at the end of the period because it means I have to stop my jam session.

I just recently discovered that there is a way to check how many times your blog post has been viewed. This is bad news. I noticed that a few of mine have had a lot less views than others. First of all, my feelings are hurt. Why the heck don't all my friends and family want to read every single post I write?! Obviously they are all important and worthy of wasting your time throughout the day. Second of all, I now obsess over those posts and try to decide why the title wasn't enticing enough to make somebody want to read it. Finally, I like to go back to the posts that had the highest number of views and re-read them to decide what made them popular. I feel like I am back in middle school and desperately trying to figure out the magic combination to make me the popular kid. *sigh* I never did figure that out....oh well, I'm over it.

Since becoming addicted to Pinterest, I have gained back a few pounds of my baby weight. Well really, can I still call it baby weight if I gained it back after the baby was born? I mean, if I hadn't had the baby, I wouldn't look like this, but I would probably look better by now if it weren't for these recipes...but I digress....Point is, I see all these amazing pictures of food (because, as I have said before, it is all the rage to start a blog and then take professional photos of your food and all the ingredients that went into it) and I can't help but drool. Most of the time I get all excited about a recipe and tell everybody I am going to make it but then I get lazy. However, lately I have actually been trying stuff. This weekend I made cake batter cookies and cake batter blondies. Tonight we are having Mexican stuffed shells! Oh and for those that care (or remember) the pulled pork I talked about last week was a hit!

I get excited when my DVR tapes a new Barney episode. That's all I will say about that. Oh and it can't be one of the newer episodes where they tried to make Barney and his friends be trendy and hip. It has to be a middle of the series episode. After they worked out the kinks and before they were trying too hard.

At night, when I sing to Matthew, I try to pretend I am back in my singing glory days (i.e. middle school) and imagine myself getting picked for a solo. And then I sing my little heart out in his nursery. On that note, I have noticed that when I sing to him, he stays awake a lot longer...as soon as I stop, he relaxes and falls asleep. Guess he doesn't remember my glory days as fondly as I do.

For pretty much the past 2 1/2 years, I have been pregnant or nursing. And since I have a jacked up uterus that contracts too much when I am pregnant (often due to dehydration), I have to spend 9 months drinking so much water that my bladder hurts right now just thinking about it.  And obviously while you are nursing you have to drink a ton of water to keep your supply up. Well now, I am neither pregnant nor nursing. And let me confess, that there have been a few days where all I have had to drink is Coke Zero. If I never drink another glass of water in my life, I wouldn't mind. I hate water and I love soda. The end.

Okay, I think that's it. I feel better now :)

Things I love This Week!

1. This song by the Dixie Chicks. I could write a whole sentimental blog about how it makes me want to cry and force my boys to cuddle up with me in bed and never, ever get too big to hug their Mommy.....but that would be identical to my last blog and pretty redundant. Seriously though, it's a super sweet song and if Jonathan was patient enough, I would sing it to him every night.

2. Pinterest. I know, I know....welcome to 2011 Katy. This site is majorly addictive and a serious time suck, but I just can't stop. I don't even have an account. I just browse and steal ideas from those much more creative than me.

3. My crock pot. Seriuosly, who doesn't love their crock pot? At home right now, I have a pork tenderloin cooking which will ultimately create some awesome pulled pork sandwiches. Well, I mean, I hope it does. It could turn out awful or my crock pot could blow up or something....but I have high hopes.

4. Crappy reality TV. I know this isn't new to the "Things I Love This Week" list, seeing as I love these stupid shows all the time, but right now, I love them a lot. I only get about 30 minutes at night to watch TV and relax. I don't want to waste that precious time watching some show that requires me to use what little brain power I have left at the end of the day to figure out who killed who or why so-and-so are missing. I just want to watch my trashy Housewives from Atlanta make hilarious, yet totally inappropriate comments about each other while I eat my ice cream. For those that watch the show, I want to be best friends with Phaedra. Oh, and NeNe (even though it is definintely possible that she would find me annoying and punch me in the face)

5. Speaking of ice cream, HEB has recently added the most heavenly flavor to their Creamy Creations line up. Chocolate Mouse Pie. It is chocolate mouse, whipped topping and chocolate pie crust all swirled together. It is so amazing, that I forgo my post baby diet each and every night. Okay, back it up....I pretty much forgo that diet each and every day as well. But still, the ice cream is awesome.

And just because he is so tremendous, a picture of Mr. J  :)

Oh Darling, Don't You Ever Grow Up....

Everytime I hear this song, Don't Ever Grow Up,  it makes me stop and think of my boys. When I am sitting in the nursery, in the middle of the night and cuddling with Matthew, I think of this song and hug him a little tighter. When I am putting Jonathan to sleep at night and he begs me to sing him his favorite song one more time, I think of this song and I go ahead and sing it again. Because before I know it, they will grow up.

"Your little hand's wrapped around my finger
And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light
To you everything's funny, you got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have, honey
If you could stay like that

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, never grow up"

So many of these words ring true for how I feel towards my boys. I have spent so many nights praying these exact things for them. Prayers that they lead long, healthy, happy lives. Prayers that they will never know heartache, hurt or pain. Prayers that they will forever feel the same happiness and innocence that they feel right now. And at the same time, I pray that Zack and I are able to truly enjoy these early days with them to the full extent. Unfortunately, sometimes when life gets hard, I lose sight of this. I think all parents do to an extent. We get so busy and so tired and so frustrated that we forget to cherish these special days with our kids. Over the past week, I have been really convicted about taking time out with my boys to just stop and play and enjoy each other.

Our spring break was perfect. I was able to calm down and relax and really enjoy my boys. We cuddled, played, fed horses, tried finger painting, made cookies, went for walks, played at the park, cooked good food, jumped on the bed and built thousands of towers out of blocks. We deviated from our schedule while the workmen were finishing the repairs on our house (even the most organized, OCD Mom has to be flexible with that kind of chaos!) and we slept in places other than our normal beds. We got dirty and wet while we washed cars and drove the golf cart around the neighborhood in the rain. We stayed up a little later and slept in a little longer. And even after all of that....all the changed schedules, dirty clothes, junk food and deviations from our routines....we were still happy. It made me realize that those are not the things that matter. What matters is being together and spending time with the people I love the most. Because at the end of the day, my boys will grow up and I will desperately long for these days again.

Matthew's Favorite Sleeping Games

Turns out Mr. Matthew has a sense of humor. As in a, let's see what I can do to make Mommy want to pull her hair out at 3:00 am in the morning, kind of humor. I have come to recognize that he has 3 favorite games to play in the middle of the night. Luckily for me, I got to play all 3 last night!

1. The Scare Tactic. I am pretty sure every mom out there has played this before. He falls asleep while eating. I mean REALLY asleep. He doesn't budge when you stand up from the rocking chair, not even when you stumble on a pacifier and have to catch yourself. You slowly and carefully lower him into his bed, all the while praising the Lord for making this so easy tonight. And then....right when you turn to walk out of the room, BAM!! His eyes pop wide open! You jump because it was, well, just plain scary, and within .01 seconds, he is screaming as if you had left him there for days. And the routine starts over.

2. The Fake Out. This one is possibly the most frustrating. He falls asleep easily. You lay him down (and since he has already played The Scare Tactic, his little eyes stay nice and closed as you lower him into his bed) and quietly walk out of the room. Again, you praise the Lord for your good luck tonight! You crawl back into your nice warm bed, cuddle up next to your hubby (who of course has slept through the whole ordeal, including the previous game of Scare Tactic) and just as you start to doze off, you hear it. Those first little sounds that indicate he is not really asleep. We all know those sounds. They start nice and quiet, just a few little baby noises coming from the monitor. There might even be a minute or two between noises. And then, just as you begin to cringe because somehow you know it's coming....the full fledged scream. And the routine starts over.

3. The Refusal. This one seems innocent at first, but about 10 minutes into the feeding, you start to worry that he might be trying to pull a Refusal on you. While you are feeding him, he gets nice and relaxed. Might coo a little, look up at you with those beautiful, big, baby eyes, things are great. However, after about 10 minutes of feeding, when he usually starts to get drowsy, you realize, "oh crap....he isn't getting drowsy." In fact, when he starts playing The Refusal, he might get more worked up as the feeding goes on. Maybe his eyes catch the black and white on his curtains and he refuses to stop looking at it. Maybe he decides that he is going to drop a load in his pants that can't be ignored, therefore assuring a diaper change after the feeding. Maybe he just wants to be totally innocent and while he eats, he bats his little eyelashes and smiles from behind the bottle (he knows full well you aren't going to be mad at that....) And so, as he finishes eating, he is still wide awake with absolutely no intention of going to sleep. This is a tough one for all moms because we all know at that point, that it could be a pretty long time before we go back to sleep in our own bed.

So those are Matthew's top 3 night time games of choice. We have played all of them a lot over the past week. I am hoping we can teach him a new game this week while on spring break....it's called "please go back to sleep before mommy has a nervous breakdown."

Of course, he might think mommy having a nervous breakdown is funny and therefore add that one to his rotation of games......Sigh.....

My first week back!

First of all, thank you SO much to all my friends who went out of their way to ensure that my first day back to work was a good one. Seriously, I am so blessed to have such amazing, thoughtful friends! I got tons of emails, text messages, phone calls and Facebook messages encouraging me as I made the transition back to work. And honestly, every last one of them made me smile just a little more :) So my first week back has actually been pretty good. I mean, there are obviously things that stink (like, I don't know....leaving my 8 week old son every morning) but for the most part, it has been a smooth transition. Here are some of the highlights!

My amazing long term sub had all my students make posters and cards welcoming me back and they were hanging all over my classroom when I got there Monday morning! And then, she had the most beautiful (and HUGE) bouquet of flowers brought to my classroom! They smell amazing and make my room seem so much more happy and joyful! On a side note, when the student aide walked in with them, I totally thought they were from Zack who was trying to make up for the fact that he forgot Valentine's day......they weren't. He is not off the hook yet.

Later in the day, my good friend Brittany drove all the way to my school and dropped off a huge, yummy cupcake to have delivered to my room! Now, for those of you concerned about how a teacher would go about eating a cupcake when she is busy teaching but not waiting so long that the cupcake gets stale....I dove right in and ate the whole thing in front of my class, while they were working, while I was yelling at one student to put his Flaming Hot Cheetos away (there is no eating in my classroom...duh.) No shame here. I didn't take a picture of it (because I was stuffing it into my face) but it looked like this....except for more awesome.

Poor little Jonathan has had to make the switch from waking up whenever he wants (usually around 7:30) to being woken up at 6:15 so that we can get out of the house on time. And while that isn't really a highlight, it sure is fun for me to sneak into his room every morning, wake him up gently and get some good cuddles before we go about our day (I say fun, he says annoying as crap) It also hurts my feelings that when he sees me walk in, the first words out of his mouth are "Barney!" Does that mean I look like a huge purple dinosaur? I mean, I know I have a little baby weight left to lose, but seriously, not cool. This is what he looked like Monday morning when I went in. Obviously he had no intention of waking up for a while...

We also had our last little celebration for Jonathan's birthday. Since we didn't have a party, my parents had to bring their presents for him this week. So last night we let him open his last few gifts and attempt to eat another cupcake....if you remember, he hates cupcakes apparently. Last night was no different. He ate one bite and was done. What the heck kid?! His favorite gifts were his new yellow school bus (he calls it a "schoo-bee") and an Elmo towel. He walked around with it on like a cape for a while....pretty hilarious :)

And finally, my little Matthew. He has no clue what is going on. He is just happy to be fed, changed, held and loved on. Luckily, my Mom is watching him this week so that I could buy a few more weeks before he heads to daycare (next week is spring break.) This has been great because she sends me pictures and videos all day :)

So that is that. I made it. I didn't collapse into a crying heap of crazy hormones on the floor of my classroom. I didn't cry each morning because none of my clothes fit. My boys are both as happy as ever. I guess the anticipation is worse than the reality in this case. Which, at the end of the day, is a good thing!

Reflecting

As I sit here, the day before my maternity leave ends, I can't help but look back at the last few months and reflect on all the craziness, anxiety, joy and pure happiness that has come about. I took some time this morning to read over my blogs, starting the day I got put on bedrest, and it actually made me a little sad. Obviously my bout with bedrest was not fun. Obviously the anxiety over possibly having a pre-term baby was overwhelming. But at the same time, it was exciting. I woke up every morning for 7 weeks wondering if today was the day I would meet Matthew. I made goals each week and wondered if I would meet them. At Thanksgiving, we all thought I would have a 2011 baby. I didn't. And then, Matthew came. One day, out of the middle of nowhere, he decided it was time to make his appearance. The next 4 days were wonderful. I healed well from my surgery, bonded with my new son, spent time with Zack and Jonathan as we built our new family of 4, and rested, peacefully, knowing that my precious little boy was safe and in my arms. The last 8 weeks at home have been amazing, tiring, beautiful and stressful. Every day has been something new as I learned to be a mommy to two little guys. I got sick and had to call in reinforcements, Zack has worked more than ever before, Jonathan has had multiple double ear infections.....and yet, we made it.

Looking back on all that has happened since Thanksgiving, it makes me sad that it is all over. Tomorrow I will go back to work as if nothing happened. I will spend the day doing exactly the same thing I did the day before I was put on bedrest. Obviously I will have my precious boys to return home to, but for the most part, our routine will start up again. Even Jonathan's days of sleeping late are over!

As Zack and I discuss (very casually) having a 3rd baby, I am a little overwhelmed by the thought that my days of being pregnant and all the excitement and fun that comes along with this time of our lives, could be over. I know that a whole new time of our lives is just beginning as we watch our boys grow up, but there is something sad about thinking those days are behind me. And I am not saying they are for sure. It's still up for debate. But like I said, as I sit here, the day before I go back to my "regular" life at work, I can't help but feel like that part of life is over. At the end of the day, I guess I just need to thank the Lord for the ease in which we conceived, two (relatively) easy pregnancies and two beautiful, healthy boys.

This post might not make a lot of sense, sorry about that.....Zack didn't seem to understand what I was saying last night while I was crying about this....but hopefully you guys do. It's been a pretty emotional few months and I guess I am just now realizing how much we have gone through and how far we have come :)

Jonathan's Birthday!

Since our house is in disarray right now, my poor little guy had to postpone his Elmo birthday party. The good news is that we were still able to have a small family celebration on his actual birthday and a small celebration with Zack's parents and sisters this past weekend.

Happy Birthday Jonathan Zachary Ley!

My dear little man,
You are already 2 years old. Sometimes it feels like the last two years have gone by in a blur. Other times it feels like you have been in our family for our entire lives. I honestly couldn't imagine life without you here. You bring so much energy and joy into our home! You are truly a gift from the Lord....an energetic, nutty, beautiful, joyful gift.

Right now, some of your favorites include: Elmo, Barney, building "big, big towers!" with your blocks, reading books, learning your colors and numbers, going to school and playing with your friends, playing at the park, and riding in the car.

You are talking up a storm and you love to sing! You can say pretty much anything we ask you to say and repeat almost everything! Your favorite songs are "Do Lord," "Take me out to the ballgame," and "Old McDonald." You also really like to listen to Sunday School songs in the car!

At your appointment yesterday with Dr. Torn, she said you are in the 44% for weight, 87% for height and 97% for head size....you sure do have a big brain! She also said that you were absolutely perfect....but we already know that.

We love you Jonathan and look forward to so many more years with you!!