Reflecting

As I sit here, the day before my maternity leave ends, I can't help but look back at the last few months and reflect on all the craziness, anxiety, joy and pure happiness that has come about. I took some time this morning to read over my blogs, starting the day I got put on bedrest, and it actually made me a little sad. Obviously my bout with bedrest was not fun. Obviously the anxiety over possibly having a pre-term baby was overwhelming. But at the same time, it was exciting. I woke up every morning for 7 weeks wondering if today was the day I would meet Matthew. I made goals each week and wondered if I would meet them. At Thanksgiving, we all thought I would have a 2011 baby. I didn't. And then, Matthew came. One day, out of the middle of nowhere, he decided it was time to make his appearance. The next 4 days were wonderful. I healed well from my surgery, bonded with my new son, spent time with Zack and Jonathan as we built our new family of 4, and rested, peacefully, knowing that my precious little boy was safe and in my arms. The last 8 weeks at home have been amazing, tiring, beautiful and stressful. Every day has been something new as I learned to be a mommy to two little guys. I got sick and had to call in reinforcements, Zack has worked more than ever before, Jonathan has had multiple double ear infections.....and yet, we made it.

Looking back on all that has happened since Thanksgiving, it makes me sad that it is all over. Tomorrow I will go back to work as if nothing happened. I will spend the day doing exactly the same thing I did the day before I was put on bedrest. Obviously I will have my precious boys to return home to, but for the most part, our routine will start up again. Even Jonathan's days of sleeping late are over!

As Zack and I discuss (very casually) having a 3rd baby, I am a little overwhelmed by the thought that my days of being pregnant and all the excitement and fun that comes along with this time of our lives, could be over. I know that a whole new time of our lives is just beginning as we watch our boys grow up, but there is something sad about thinking those days are behind me. And I am not saying they are for sure. It's still up for debate. But like I said, as I sit here, the day before I go back to my "regular" life at work, I can't help but feel like that part of life is over. At the end of the day, I guess I just need to thank the Lord for the ease in which we conceived, two (relatively) easy pregnancies and two beautiful, healthy boys.

This post might not make a lot of sense, sorry about that.....Zack didn't seem to understand what I was saying last night while I was crying about this....but hopefully you guys do. It's been a pretty emotional few months and I guess I am just now realizing how much we have gone through and how far we have come :)