We need help.....like, for real.

I give up. 

I am waving the white flag.

I am asking begging for the help of all you amazing, parents of the year out there. 

My kids refuse to sleep. Between the two of them, we have been awake multiple times a night for the past 2 weeks. Not to mention, up for the day long before the sun. I seriously need help getting back into our normal routine. Wait, scratch that. I don't even care if it is our normal routine. I just want them to sleep through the night and not wake up at some ungodly hour. Is that too much to ask!? Every single night, for the past two weeks, one of these scenarios has happened....

Scenario #1. Matthew wakes up SCREAMING in the middle of the night and cries for about 20 minutes. If I make the mistake of actually going in to check on him, it can go on for as long as 2 hours. He is then exhausted from his middle of the night escapades and sleeps until 7:00. However, Jonathan decides to wake up at 5:55. And now, he can open his door.....so he comes busting into my room at 6:00 yelling "I HAVE TO POOP!" Apparently, his new "bathroom time" is at the crack of dawn. This has happened 3 days in a row. 

Scenario #2. Matthew actually sleeps all night, but wakes up at 5:20 (as was the case this morning)....I let him cry for 20 minutes, trying to show him that we wake up when the sun wakes up. Unfortunately, Matthew's screaming woke up Jonathan. Now, both boys are awake at 5:55. 

And so that you know what we have already tried....I took Matthew to the doctor to check all the normal culprits (ears, throat etc...) and everything checked out. We have tried Motrin before bed just in case some random pain was waking him up. We have tried going in to check on him and not going in. Changing his diaper, not changing his diaper. We altered bed time and nap time, limited nap time sleep and, another time, let him sleep as long as he wanted. Nothing matters. Nothing changes. He still wakes up.

For Jonathan....we have had LOTS of talks about not coming out of his room until the sun comes up. We have shown him to go to the bathroom and then walk back to his room, we showed him how to turn on his light so that he could play in his room until the sun woke up....Nothing helps. He is still in our room at 5:55. Especially if Matthew is already screaming.

So please....PLEASE.....help us. Share your guaranteed trick to get these kids to sleep better. Matthew is 1 1/2 and Jonathan is 3 1/2...I am willing to reward the winning idea with cookies. Or cake. Or cupcakes.....I don't really care. I just want to sleep.

But today....today was a good day.

So, I know that my blog tends to lean towards the outrageous and seriously ridiculous days in the life of my family....but, lest you think we never have good days, I wanted to share how things went down today. It was one of those days where everything just works. The stars aligned and God was smiling down on us. And more than once, I found myself saying (out loud...) "Dang girl, you've got this!"

Interestingly enough, the day didn't start that great. Matthew is in a TERRIBLE routine of waking up at like 5:30 and then screaming at the top of his lungs until I go in and get him. Unfortunately for him, his Mama is just as stubborn as he is and I refuse to go in before 6:00. So he cried forever. Then woke Jonathan up. So, we were all up before dawn. If you have ever wondered what totally exhausted, yet stubbornly awake kids look like.....

After we watched way too many episodes of Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood, I was able to convince both boys to eat their breakfast. And I didn't even give them cold cereal....I made them scrambled eggs and fruit! And they ate it! Win #1.

Since my training didn't start until 10:00, I was able to fit in an at home work out. Granted, it was on my driveway and the little boys standing at the bus stop may or may not have been laughing at me....but whatever. 

(Broken record alert....) I got to "start" the new year today with in-service at school. I LOVE MY JOB. Seriously. Love it. I love the people I work with, my bosses, my students....I just love it. So I was actually pretty excited about going in today and seeing everybody. It didn't hurt that my awesome bosses brought in Rudy's breakfast tacos for breakfast and pizza for lunch. If y'all know me at all, you know I have always been able to be talked into ANY meeting if there is food provided. That hasn't changed. Win #2.

At the end of the day, I went to pick up the boys from the child care rooms at school and I found Matthew still napping on his nap mat. This is very rare as he typically doesn't nap well at school. When I went to wake him up, I just looked at him for a minute.....he is getting so old. 100 times a day he reminds me that he is getting so old....but in that moment, as I kneeled there next to him, I realized that he is still my baby. Still my little baby who cuddles with his blankie as he sleeps. My baby who snores, ever so quietly, when he is deeply asleep. My baby who wakes up with crazy hair and sleep marks across his face. Although VERY quick, the moment was a gift. MEGA win #3.

I talked myself into going to the gym after training for some cardio...you know, in order to work off my 1st and 2nd breakfasts, pizza lunch, and candy desserts. Win #4.

To finish off our day, we headed to Skeeters to support a sweet little boy fighting for his life. Gotta love restaurants that are willing to give money to kids that need it. I went alone since Zack lives at his office, and if you can believe it, my kids were awesome. There was no screaming or throwing food. No running away from me, no crying because they couldn't drink their dinner (in milk form....) and they even ATE! This is a win, in and of itself. The only craziness came in the form of Matthew getting creative with his crayons....please note the green crayon coming out of his ear and the brown crayon bits around his mouth......that came from eating it. 

So, there you go. Most of our days are nutty. But every now and then, God throws me a bone and gives me a day like today.

A little crazy to help you make it until Friday....

Just in case you need something to make you feel better about yourself this week....

1. Today, I took the boys to Bass Pro Shop to buy a few things. As we were walking around, I found myself thinking how cool it would be if the Duck Dynasty guys just happened to be there....you know, doing... duck stuff. Or whatever it is men who own wildly successful duck hunting companies do, checking merchandise, looking at the competition, just checking out duck hunting stuff.....Then I realized I was walking around with a huge smile on my face while I imagined how awesome it would be. I even imagined the phone call I would make to my best friend and how mad I would be if she didn't answer...

2. Yesterday, we went to the park to feed the ducks and holy cow....those ducks were HUNGRY! They literally ran over to us when they realized we had food. So, Jonathan was standing there with a hamburger bun, trying to break it into small pieces to throw to the ducks.....but, he wasn't fast enough. One of the more brave ducks actually started snapping at the bun in his hand and wouldn't leave him alone. So, Jonathan is screaming, the duck is snapping at his finger, I am yelling "Throw the bun!!! Throw the bun!!!" but he wasn't listening (something about being in a serious state of fear I guess.) And, like the amazingly wonderful Mommy that I am.....I was taking a video the whole time. Not intervening. Just taping. And it is a hilarious video, so I am not ashamed.

3. This is how Matthew ate breakfast this morning. Please notice the perfectly good high chair in the back ground.....we wouldn't want to use that or anything. Why strap your baby in when you can place him on a tall bar stool? Oh, and he also ate his waffle off of a paper towel. Not a plate. Judge away.

4. I took my first ever, non pregnant selfie the other day. And I am not ashamed to admit that I did it because I thought my hair looked "cool" and "fun" this way. Of course, looking back on the picture I kind of just look like a wet animal. But hey, that's cool. Also, it appears that my left eye is still smaller than my right....Thought I outgrew that in the 6th grade....

5. I think I have said before that sometimes, I like to relive my glory days as an awesome singer (glory days being 7th & 8th grade) while I put the boys to sleep. Lately, I have been feeling a strong calling to audition for American Idol....I totally think I could make it. As long as I can audition in Matthew's nursery, sing a Christmas carol, and be rocking Matthew as I do it. They would go for that, right?

6. We are trying to correct the situation with Matthew's wonky system right now. So for the next two weeks, he is going lactose free and I am trying to feed him as "clean" as possible. (Those of you who know me, know how much I hate terms like that....) His new "clean eating" menu lasted 2 days. On day 3, we were parked in the middle of Chick-Fil-A. I am pathetic. 

Hope you guys have a wonderful weekend! We don't have a thing planned....love it!

When God talks to you through Duck Dynasty....

I never thought I would be writing a post about something I learned from Duck Dynasty, but here we are. I will admit that I am a big fan of the show and the whole Robertson family....they are just good people. They love each other and the love the Lord. Pretty solid. (If you didn't catch Phil and Mrs. Kay's vow renewal ceremony last night, go watch it.....SO sweet!) So, when my friend offered to lend me Phil Robertson's book (Phil is the dad and patriarch of the family/Duck Commander) I was excited to read it. Honestly, the book is a little boring and talks a little too much about ducks and fish....but, about halfway through, I came across this little prayer that Phil prayed often, during the period of life before his business took off. At that point, they didn't have much, but apparently, they had enough.

"Lord, if You bless me, I'll thank you; but if You don't, I'll be thankful for what I have. I have plenty. I'm in good shape."

Ya'll.....I started crying on the treadmill at the gym. Not a full blow ugly cry, but I was definitely tearing up. This couldn't have slapped me in the face any harder. I have written about my issues with contentment before. It is a struggle I face often. I think it is pretty normal to struggle with this in our society. We all want more and more. We want new stuff. We want pretty stuff. Maybe we just want the stuff we have, not to be falling apart or breaking every other day. No matter what we want, very few of us are truly content. Now, I want to give myself credit and say I have been working very hard on this over the past 6 months. I have had a much better mindset, honestly. But recently, I have fallen off the contentment wagon and found myself right back in that ugly place of wanting more. Just last night I was complaining because the Kelly Blue Book value for our car was way less than I wanted to hear. And then I read that simple prayer.

And seriously, I want to write it down, tape it on my bathroom mirror and repeat it every day. All day.

"I'll be thankful for what I have. I have plenty. I'm in good shape."

Thank you Lord, for reminding me that I have plenty. That, truly, I am not in need. That you have most certainly blessed me beyond measure.....even when my own, sin coated eyes can't see it. 

(And thank you for speaking to me in ways I understand....reality TV and biographies.)

Let Me Explain....

After my last two blog posts, it has been brought to my attention quite a few times, that people like that I "tell it like it is." Another person implied that they like reading my blog because "you are a total disaster and it makes me laugh!" And, while I totally love making people laugh, I want to explain why I am willing to put everything out there for people.....(and for the record, I am not a total disaster...rude!)

I lead an incredibly charmed life. I have beautiful and healthy babies, a loving husband and a safe, warm home. I have a job I love, a family that is supportive and kind, and enough warm clothes and food on our table.

But my life, albeit very charmed, is not perfect. I am not perfect. My kids are not perfect. And the more I read blogs, Facebook posts and Pinterest boards that show perfect Moms with perfect kids.....it just makes me mad. And, to be honest, a little sad. We all know those people are not perfect. We all know their kids do crazy things, they have Mom fails, their husbands act like tools sometimes....but they just won't freaking admit it! What is it about the internet that makes people feel like they have to appear perfect? I guess it all comes back to the crazy competition us moms have between each other. And let's all be honest, we ALL compete. 

So, I have decided that I want my blog to be as honest as possible. I want you guys to see a family that loves one another fiercely, but still gets really frustrated with each other. I want y'all to read it and be like, "oh bam, I just did that yesterday! But oh man.... I can't believe she admitted it...." Being a good  parent is HARD. Being a good wife is HARD. Working (even part time!) and trying to be those things is HARD. And, if I am speaking honestly, I like to hear that other moms are struggling with those things. Not that I like that people are struggling......but it's nice to know I am not alone.

And that's why I blog the way I do. I want y'all to know you aren't alone. I would rather people read this stuff and feel comforted and a little less crazy, instead of reading it and thinking "man, I just can't keep up." Or, even worse, "Am I a terrible mom because I don't feel that way or do those things!?" No......you aren't a terrible mom. 

So, if reading my blog makes you laugh because it is so ridiculous, or because I am such a disaster (which I am not...) good. Keep reading. I guarantee my little family will continue to provide blog material to keep you feeling like you aren't alone :)

.....Just like they did last night when Zack and I were sitting on the floor, exhausted, while this little situation transpired.....

A Real Humdinger of a Day....

Lest you think my last post was too "braggy" about how "perfect" our days are...I share with you this little run down of my day. It was a true gem....

Starting with the gym....For the third week in a row, I noticed there is no running water in the day care bathroom. That is seriously gross. If any of the other kids have the same level of aim as Jonathan....the whole place will need a massive spray down at the end of the day. Oh wait...no water. So I started the day with a little "discussion" with the manager.

After that, the boys and I hit up Dollar Tree. Now, I love this place and the fact that I can be the greatest mom in the history of the world, by allowing the kids to pick out toys. All was well there....However, as we were leaving, I let Jonathan climb in the car on Matthew's side and get into his car seat while I buckled Matthew in. (I do this a lot when we are in busy parking lots.) Well, instead of actually climbing in his seat, he climbed into the front seat and jammed a CD into the CD player. Like, seriously jammed it. About 2 minutes later, it started making the most horrendous noise. It even continued when I turned the car off. I was partially convinced that it was going to overheat and catch my car on fire. So, we drove directly to the dealership where a guy used a terrifying hook to fish it out. Luckily, he got the CD out, but couldn't save the CD player. So that's awesome. (In case you don't know the story of my dumb car....I currently drive a 2005 Hyundai Santa Fe that is missing the back windshield wiper, the "FE" of the "Santa Fe" label, the antenna, and now....the CD player. About a year ago, part of the the trim fell off in the church parking lot. We bought the floor mats at an O'Riley because it didn't come with any.....So....it's basically the most craptastic car you can imagine.)

Seeing as I took away the TV for the day as part of Jonathan's punishment (and can we all agree that doing so actually punishes us as well??) I had to come up with some activities to fill the morning. So we headed to the pool to swim for a while. After 30 minutes, Jonathan told me he was ready to go home and Matthew wouldn't stay in the water.  I think it's safe to say that my boys are over summer.

Luckily, they both went down easily for naps, but Matthew woke up about an hour earlier than normal. When I went in, I was greeted with red (strawberries) barf. I am pretty sure he just gagged while he was screaming....even so, totally nasty.

Once Jonathan woke up, we had to head up to the pediatrician to have Matthew checked out. His little "system" has been totally wonky for about 3 weeks now. We are going through LOTS of diapers....if you know what I mean.  This was our second doctor visit in one week and I was pretty sure she would just tell me it was a long acting virus. Turns out I left with a prescription to help stop the 3 weeks (and counting) of craziness and (here is where it gets not awesome) 3 vials to "catch" the craziness. So I get to "catch" it and store it and drive it back to the doctor.....you jealous yet?

Things were decent for a while (we got to meet Zack at Fuddruckers for dinner!) but when we got home, Matthew fell outside and got a huge goose egg on his head. Poor baby....can't seem to keep his crap together. (see what I did there......)

There was a quick debate about baths, which I decided against....regardless of the fact that Jonathan was dripping sweat and Matthew was bleeding from the head.....nothing a few baby wipes and some hydrogen peroxide can't help, right!? And then the boys finally went to sleep.

And that's that. Don't be jealous that our days are so perfect. I promise we have bad days too sometimes.....PLEASE tell me you guys do too. ;)

Oh Snap...

You know when you have one of those ideas where you think, "For real, this is the greatest idea I have ever come up with. There is NO way this could go wrong." And then, about 2 minutes in, you think, "Oh holy freaking crap. How did this go so wrong??"

I did that tonight.

I will state, for the record, that my Mom is here and we came up with the idea together. So she gets to share the blame.

Let me explain....

It begins with the fact that I haven't washed the windows on the back of my house in like, 5 years. They were pretty awful. Like, you couldn't see out because the spider webs and mud dobbers were too thick. So, my mom and I decided to clean them...with the kids around....about 45 minutes before bedtime. "They'll have so much fun," we said. "They will LOVE spraying the windows with water," we said. "This will make a fun memory," we said. And I guess, at the end of it all, those were all true statements. For them.

6:45-Take the screens off the windows and give Jonathan control of the water hose. 

6:46-Jonathan attempts to drown Matthew by spraying the water directly into his open mouth.

6:47-Take the water away from Jonathan. Screaming and tantrum throwing ensues.

6:52-Get back to actually washing the windows.

6:53-Matthew dumps out the bucket of water and soap.

6:54-Matthew dumps out the bucket of water and soap. Again.

6:55-Matthew dumps out the bucket of water and soap. Again. Take bucket and hide it.

7:00-Finish the first window, look over to see Jonathan dumping a huge bucket of sand on Matthew's head. (Matthew's hair is now completely matted down on his head.)

7:01-Jonathan in time out.

7:04-Jonathan, out of time out, dumps huge bucket of sand out of the sand box and into the mulch.

7:05-Jonathan in time out. (The kid KNOWS that sand stays in the sand box!!)

7:06-Matthew finds the bucket. Matthew dumps out the bucket of water and soap. Again.

7:07-I see a wasp, scream like a baby, scare kids, Mom yells at me for being stupid.

7:08-Finish second window.

7:09-Realize second window wasn't actually shut all the way. Flood. (Does this count as cleaning the windows from the inside?)

7:10-Matthew and Jonathan scream bloody murder over control of the water hose.

7:11-Mom asks (for the first time) "whose idea was this?"

7:12-Jonathan dumps sand down the back of Matthew's diaper.

7:13-Jonathan in time out. Again.

7:14-I take off Matthew's diaper. Oh snap, there is poop in it. 

7:15-I attempt to spray Matthew down with the water....Oh holy crap, somehow, the poop sloshed out of his booty and onto my leg. GrossGrossGross.

7:16- Mom asks (for the second time) "whose idea was this?"

7:20-Finish third window and call it for the night.

7:21-Spray the boys down....get all the sand out of Matthew's hair and the poop out of his booty. 

7:22-Everybody is clean. Put the fear of God in Jonathan not to touch the water again.

7:23-Matthew body slams himself into the playground mulch. Totally dirty again. (Don't worry, I made sure the leaf covered the important parts....)

7:24-Jonathan sprays water everywhere. 

7:25- Mom asks (for the third time) "whose idea was this?"

7:26- I say, "screw it all!" and take them inside and straight into the bathtub.

7:40-Find mulch under Matthew's neck rolls. 

And that's that. We tried.