Please help me raise my kids

First of all, I haven't been around much because...well...I don't have anything to say. Nothing big is going on, no hilarious "holy crap" stories to share, no major rants about crazy Pinterest people...just boring old life. That being said, I am here today with a few questions for you guys!

1. I have recently become obsessed with the fear that Matthew's head is getting too flat. I mean, in all honesty, it is pretty flat, but I am not sure if it is something I need to freak out about or not. I asked my doctor about it last week and her words were "I see what you are talking about, but I am not worried at all." So there's that...anyway, my question is, have you guys found anything that has really helped? I am trying to keep him on his belly, in a seat, sitting up with me, off his head as much as possible. I go in at night and nap time and rotate his little head etc...I just want to make sure I am doing what I can to help it even out! Any tips?

2. Matthew HATES the car. Like, starts crying the second we get in the car until he cries himself to sleep. It's awful. I recently switched him from his infant seat to a convertible seat (a Britax Roundabout) hoping that the different angle, higher viewpoint and bigger space would help. Nope. Same crying fits. I make sure he has his pacifier, a blankie or a toy before we start off. I have stopped on the side of the highway to try and calm him down....nothing. Anybody have something that has worked for them?

3. Jonathan starts potty training tomorrow! Any last minute tips that worked great for you guys? Especially for little boys? He has shown interest in the toilet, will pee in it when I ask him to go try, he picked out some killer Diego underwear....I think he is ready!

Okay, that's it for now! Why do I feel like I am the only person who ever asks everybody she knows for help with her kids? Should I take that as a hint that normal people just figure things out themselves??

My kids are just fine, thank you.

Lately I have been noticing that I am too hard on my kids and myself as a Mommy when we are out in public. I am very quick to say "Ugh, we are just out of control!" or "Man, this is why we never go anywhere!" when things get a little hairy. I feel like as soon as Matthew starts fussing or Jonathan throws a piece of food (or any other small and annoyingly difficult thing to clean up...) every Mom in the room starts to watch and judge. In my head, they go home and tell their friends how Katy Ley can't control her kids. They tell their husbands how they hate hanging out with us because we are so chaotic and out of control. Our friends that come to our house must leave with a headache and thank the Lord on their way home for giving them the perfect kids. I find myself constantly apologizing for my boys when we are out to eat or at a friend's house. Even when my friend Sara and I go walking, I feel the need to say I am sorry all the time because Matthew is crying (oh how I wish he would learn to love his carseat/stroller.)

But you know what? My kids are amazing.

And I need to chill the crap out.

Yes, Matthew cries. Yes, Jonathan sometimes throws food. 99% of the time, I forgot something important and have to scramble to figure out what I will do. I am usually late. I usually smell like baby spit up. Jonathan usually has something on his face. At some point during our outing, one of them will most likely bust out of their diaper.

But who cares? I know, deep in my heart, that my friends sure don't care. My friends do not walk away from us shaking their heads in disbelief. Most likely, they are dealing with the EXACT.SAME.THING. And the only thing that my apologizing does, is make me look silly. So my goal this summer, while I am out and about with the boys a whole lot more, is to chill out. To enjoy the moments and not be embarassed by them. To be calm and collected when things go awry and not create a whole mess of chaos because of my attitude. And most importantly, to look at my boys and appreciate them for who they are and the crazy things they do.

(And for those that do want to judge me....go ahead. But know that I think you are a jerk face and I don't want my crazy kids hanging out with your perfect kids anyway. So there.)

Unspoken rules of the playground

My best friend and I were recently hanging out at the indoor playground at Memorial City Mall. In all honesty, this is one of the better indoor playgrounds because it is clean, monitored and totally gated off. So unless my kids are kidnapped and taken out screaming, they are decently safe. As we were sitting there, I noticed many of the parents breaking some of the"unspoken rules" that all parents naturally know and follow. In case you are living under a rock missed them, let me recap.

1. If your kid is walking around screaming and being generally annoying just for fun, stop them. I know kids scream sometimes, but we have all been around the kids who scream just to be loud and annoying. These are the kids that scream and then look around to see who they have annoyed. Interestingly enough, I get to deal with these kids when they grow up and hit middle school and let me tell you, it is just as annoying in a school hallway as a playground. So please try to take care of the issue now. K, thanks.

2. If your kid is walking around and hugging/hanging on random adults, deal with the situation. Hello...stranger danger anyone?

3. If you walk behind your kid handing them snacks every time they slow down for a second, stop it. We all know they can't eat in there. Don't take it a step further and follow them around feeding them. You know what happens when crumbs and chunks of food get stuck in the little crevices of a playground? Roaches. And rats.

4. If you watch your kid go tearing through the playground and then plow some little kid over, take care of it. This should be obvious.

5. If you intend to take your child to the playground and leave, don't. At one point, I walked out the gate to get something (my friend was still in there) and the guard actually had to stop me and ask "where are your kids? You know you can't leave them here alone right?" Uh....yes, I am fully aware that this is not a free babysitting service. Obviously there have been enough parents who didn't realize that because he felt the need to say it. Yikes.

And I promise that I observed every one of these on Monday. All of them. In one trip. Come on parents, get with the program please. If we work together here, we can all enjoy the indoor playground this summer while the outdoor playground rivals the surface of the sun.

A whole lot of nothing.

I apologize for my lack of posting this week. I could insert some sort of cliche blog line like, "I've been busy living life!" or "while I have been away, life has been happening!" but don't you guys already assume that just because I am not posting, my life hasn't stopped? That's what I figured.

Anyway, I don't have my computer cable for my camera and since I am living back in 1990 with my ghetto flip phone and don't use instagram or any other equally cool program, I have no pictures for you today :( So I will just do a quick update and promise to post later in the week.

1. School is finishing up nicely. And by nicely, I mean that I haven't gone crazy and my kids have not revolted. It's a win-win for everybody.

2. We took the boys to the zoo on Saturday for the first time. They loved it! Jonathan was a little skittish at first, but quickly warmed up to all the animals. His favorite was the baby elephant. And let's be honest, it was our favorite too. Seriously....can it get any more cute than a baby elephant?

3. I have come to realize that as much as I look forward to family and friends coming to visit so that we can hang out and catch up, I look forward to the extra set of hands even more. My sister-in-law, Katie, was here this week and man, did I put her to work! We ran errands, I cooked dinner, she helped with baths and bedtimes....it was awesome!! Is that what it feels like to have a live in nanny? How do I go about getting one of those?

4. We introduced Jonathan to his new potty today. I have to say it was a big success! He loves that it looks like a frog and even told me he wanted to go tee-tee in the toilet. First of all, where did he learn to say toilet? And second, since his vocabulary is clearly higher than mine, I guess I should stop saying "pee-pee in the potty" My boy is advanced.

And that's about it. I am pretty excited that tomorrow begins the last week of school. I am very ready to be home with my boys (and not have my alarm go off at 5:00am....) and I have lots of fun things planned thanks to Pinterest. Things that I will buy a bunch of crap for, set up and then roll my eyes as Jonathan chunks my awesome sensory tub across the room. You know, that kind of stuff :)

Getting the stink eye at the playground....

Tonight I met up with my good friend Laura and her two precious girls at the mall. We walked a little, ate dinner and then ended our play date at the little "playground" so that the kids could burn off some steam before bed. Everything was going really well and we were all having a fun time!

Then we hit the playground.

First of all, if you have ever been in a playground at the mall, there are like a zillion kids there. And the one at this particular mall is not monitored, so half of the kids in there are like 15 years old. Which sparks the question "why are pre-teens hanging out at the playground in the mall?" but whatever....So the older kids are playing (and I am wearing Matthew in the Baby Bjorn) and all of a sudden I look over at Jonathan and he is staring at his pants. And the pee coming out of his pants. And running down his leg. And puddling on the floor....in front of the zillion kids and parents at the playground. And of course he is cracking up. Now, this was all very confusing to me since Jonathan is still in diapers (don't roll your eyes, the kid is only 27 months old) and I was pretty confident that I remembered to put one on him before we left the house. As I am sitting there mentally considering the possibility that I could have, in fact, forgotten to put a diaper on the kid, I look over and see a Mom and Dad sitting next to Jonathan....and giving me the stink eye. Talk about Judgy McJudgersons. I swear I could read their minds..."Wow. Look at that Mom who can't control her kids. Let's see how she handles this one....rookie!" So I go to Jonathan and discover that his diaper had come un-velcroed and was actually not covering anything at all. In fact, it was inching it's way down the leg of his pants....imagine how awesome that would have been if my kid had been running around the place with a dirty diaper hanging out the leg of his pants. ANYWAY. I hand Matthew over to Laura (who was all calm and collected because she is cool like that) and change Jonathan's diaper right there in the middle of the playground. And of course I am getting the stink eye AGAIN for this. Once he is relatively clean, I use my last diaper wipe to scrub as much pee off the floor as I can. All the while The McJudgerson's are still staring. So we get past that crisis, I reattach Matthew to the Bjorn and life moves on. For 5 minutes. That's all it took before Matthew's diaper busted as well. All down his leg,  puddled in the bottom of the Bjorn....warmly soaking into the front of my shirt. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? I just looked at Laura and said that was my cue to leave. Thankfully, I was able to hide this situation a little better and The McJudgerson's had diverted their stink eye to another unsuspecting Mom. Whew....dodged that bullet. And let the record state that these are the same parents whose kid was running around eating pretzel bites......guess they didn't see the huge sign that said "NO FOOD OR DRINK ALLOWED!" If I wasn't so busy cleaning up pee, I would have given them the freaking stink eye.

So it was an exciting evening. Both boys went straight into the bath when we got home (they just started bathing together.) Where they promptly peed on each other. No joke.

Things that get on my nerves....

Let me start by saying that I am not super irritated today or anything :) I was joking around with a friend yesterday about things that get on our nerves and she said that my list was ridiculous. I think they are pretty legit. What do you guys think?

• When people send me an email and only write in the subject line. Just in case you didn't see it, there is a huge open space directly below the subject line that is there for the specific reason of writing messages.
• People that sit in the right hand lane but don't turn right.
• When my students bring blankets to school instead of a jacket. Now, I know there are some different schools of thought about this....some people think I shouldn't care because they might not be able to afford a jacket. I guess I get that....but didn't they have to buy the blanket?
• When my lunch group at school switches up their seats. We don't technically have assigned seats (obviously, since we are adults and all...) but I have a specific spot that I like to eat everyday. I can see all my friends, I have ample room to spread out my lunch, no weirdos sit next to me....but every now and then, people try to jack with my spot. And I hate that. Leave me and my seat alone.
• Companies that don't allow online bill pay or even over the phone bill pay. Is the money I spent on my stamp really that important to you? You do realize you aren't earning any extra money from my stamp....right?
• When my bread is not really, really fresh and soft. There is a very small window for optimal sandwich bread. Like 3 days maybe. In fact, I would rather eat a banana past it's prime than a piece of sandwich bread.
• When I find something I really want online and actually go to buy it but then calculate that shipping is like a billion dollars. I am so, so cheap that for me to finally pull the trigger and put the item in my cart is a big deal. And then shipping has to get involved and bust up the fun.
• When I go to throw something away and there is no bag in the trash can. Of course, normally, I am the one who forgot to replace the bag, so I am really just getting on my own nerves...but still, annoying.

So what do you guys think? Are these that ridiculous? Anybody have something ridiculous that gets on their nerves? (not that I am admitting my own list is ridiculous or anything.....)

I Wish....

I wish that every store I shopped in played Christian music like HEB. It really makes me happy.

I wish that the stupid teenagers who speed down my street would slow the crap down. Can I install my own speed bumps? Maybe just a huge log? *sigh* I am so old.

I wish I could sleep this soundly. Better yet, I wish he would sleep this soundly all the time. (He really has been doing better lately though!)

I wish you would all go buy this book. Seriously, it is life changing. Like, for real.

I wish Mexican food was calorie free. Wait, back up...let's say I wish ALL food was calorie free.

I wish for my boys to always enjoy each others company.

I wish I knew enough Spanish to understand what my students are saying about me. I know they are talking trash, but I can't figure out exactly what they are saying so I have to fake it. And I am pretty sure I look like an idiot.

I wish they made these jammies for adults. They are so soft. And let's be honest, they make the person wearing them look pretty freaking cute.

I wish my Mom could move in so that I could have homemade cake and flowers waiting for me when I got home from work every day.

I wish that Zack could work normal people hours.

I wish I had a million dollars so that I could take my entire family on a vacation to the beach.

I wish I had time to cook amazing meals for my family every night. Or better yet, I wish I had a million dollars to pay for a personal chef.

I wish my poor little Jonathan could finally get over all of his ear infections, sinus infections, asthma, eczema and persistent coughs. I doubt he even knows what it feels like not to be sick.

I wish that 10 years from now, when my boys are nutty teenagers, that I always remember how fun and sweet and cuddly they were at this age.

What are you guys wishing for today?